So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
