a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
