I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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