I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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