Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
