She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My vagina is officially offended.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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