Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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