I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
...so i touched it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
