your room smells of hookers.
And success
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
