This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he thought i was a dude.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize