he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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