people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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