Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
