you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
