I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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