look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
