You're so nebulous sometimes
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
