I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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