Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
