Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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