if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
