Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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