I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize