yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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