I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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