but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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