I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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