piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
