Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
