You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
