I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
