Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
