Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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