my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize