My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
