Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
