I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize