We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
