I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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