Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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