I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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