oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
