does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
