i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
