Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
