yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
