Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
