yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
