I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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