i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
FUCK WHALES
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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