Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
