in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
