My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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