so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
