I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
