You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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