I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
