i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
