Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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