he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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