my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
