This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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