I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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