Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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