i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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