bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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