C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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